Tainted Days and Long Walks
by StarLush
Summary: Short cathartic one-shot based on my life but turned into SwanQueen fluff and drama and love and mush. Rated T for language mainly. Emma's having a bad day as a certain day approaches...Regina offers comfort and love.


**AN: Much lighter than my typical and LITERALLY just a One-shot. This is mainly a cathartic piece for me, I went through a rough patch of overthinking so this is the result of my life woes (which really aren't woes and I'm still working on them). So enjoy this piece of drama and mush and fluff.**

* * *

The knock came softly, she knew the blonde was probably still sleeping. It had been a long emotional night and she wanted to make sure Emma had her space. It had been a few years since she had divorced Hook, for good reason, but the wedding anniversary date was always sensitive. Regina understood, she'd been there with death dates of her former loved ones, it was somewhat of a common bond, something she could absolutely sympathize with.

"Emma? Sweetheart are you awake?"

She heard the blonde moan her alertness, as she entered their bedroom. Her mass of blonde strands still a mess but it was one of the things she loved about her the most.

"I brought you breakfast." It was a simple statement, as food was always a big deal for the blonde and as long as she kept eating that was a good sign. Months after divorcing Killian, Regina offered up a guest room to the blonde, to get her away from her parents with their happy ending ideals. Pulling her away from the house she bought and let the filthy pirate live with her in. It took a couple more months before Regina convinced Emma to put the house up for sale, to rid those memories that the house held.

"Thanks, 'Gina." She sat up and wrapped the soft sheet around her torso, covering her nude state. It wasn't a shock to Regina as their relationship flourished that Emma was a nude sleeper, the brunette made it a point to enjoy sleeping in the buff more as curled next to the blonde, it was the best thing she felt in ages. "You know you didn't have to do this, I'm fine."

Emma picked at the assorted tray of food, more grateful for the cup of coffee that accompanied her varied selection. Regina noticed the blondes eyes were swollen and puffy, probably from her crying throughout the course of the night. She wasn't sure Emma knew that she whined and cried in her sleep quite a bit through the night.

"You cried in your sleep dear," Regina's statements had to be said simply, she knew Emma had an explosive nature when it came to her emotions and the best thing she could do was ease this day for her.

The blonde huffed, in slight annoyance and anger that her girlfriend would think she weak on this day. But she also knew she meant well, she knew that Regina went through her own days, they both had damaging days in their pasts that were hard to approach. Days that felt tainted and ruined all because of a simple occasion. Regina's far exceeded her own but she had had more time to grieve and accept her past mistakes as the Evil Queen then Emma did with her prior wedding day. She didn't want to lash out on her like she did last year, when the wound was fresher, to be honest it _was_ getting easier as time progressed. It just took time, as did most healing processes.

"I'm sorry if I kept you awake." The blonde took a sip of her coffee as the silence fell upon them, it didn't take long for Emma's body to fully awake and feel the fresh prick of tears sting her eyes. She didn't know why she felt this still, she didn't have feelings for Killian anymore, she felt more frustrated that it still affected her this way. Figuring by now that her wounds would heal and she didn't falter when the day came and passed as if it were just another day on the calendar.

"So, what do you want to do today?" Regina tried to perk the blonde up, in hopes if they planned something to do it might help her regain her own strength, that she can come full circle and heal eventually.

"Let me guess, wallowing in self-pity is not an option?" Emma let tears spill from her eyes finally, she was trying to avoid it but that just didn't seem possible this morning. The brunette laughed gently at Emma's attempt at a dark joke.

"Darkness never suited you my love," Regina brought her hand up to Emma's cheek, cupping it gently as her thumb wiped away stray tears. She leaned over the tray table and brought her lips to Emma's gently, not pressing, not forceful, just a show of simple love and affection. "It's going to be nice today, maybe we can go for a hike, come on."

Regina rose from her seat taking the tray with her…

"Just let me go to the bathroom, brush my teeth…" Emma wasn't looking very motivated but maybe Regina was right, maybe to get out of the house would be a good idea. Regina left Emma to her morning routine…minus the shower if they were going on a hike. Emma took her time getting herself together, fighting back more tears as she looked at her face in the mirror, the brunette was right, her eyes were swollen and red, she knew she had cried herself to sleep but she didn't realize she cried throughout the course of the night. Splashing cold water on her face she felt slightly refreshed, washing away crusted over eye lashes and tear stains that she felt trailed down her neck. The blonde took one deep breath and blew it out slowly as she pulled her hot mess of a hairstyle into a sloppy pony tail on top her head. She didn't think another minute, rushing from the bathroom to pull on her sports bra, socks and a pair of workout pants before running out the bedroom door and down the stairs.

"Don't make me yell at you about the running too…" Regina winked as she caught the blonde at the bottom of the stairs. "You ready?" Regina had been ready to go since she mentioned the idea to the blonde, her own workout pants, running shoes and tank top.

"Just gotta get my shoes and jacket," Emma mumbled as she fumbled through the closet next to the door.

* * *

They didn't have to drive long before they got to the edge of the forest, there had always been some nice trails through here and shortly after Emma's divorce it was something to take her mind off of everything. The first few times the blonde came alone but ended up running into Ruby, who was an avid runner in these parts, it wasn't long before Regina wanted to join Emma on her runs. It wasn't jealousy as much as wanting to enjoy something that Emma did and she definitely felt much better after a little workout, best thing she had done in years. They both had a bit of empty nest syndrome with Henry being away…chasing his own story…

"Emma, you with me?" Regina broke the silence, as she unbuckled and made a move to get out. One glance at the blonde and she knew the little workout wasn't going to happen.

"Agh! We fucking sang Regina! We sang! About our goddamn happily ever after!" She broke down, every tear she had welled up from last night and into this morning fell onto her cheeks and she sobbed into her sleeves. "Was I ever really happy? I mean seriously did I look happy? We were good right?" Emma spouted off a handful of questions, the brunette wasn't sure she was supposed to answer or not. "Why did he have to—ugh. Did I demand too much as a wife? As a damn friend or partner? I'm not his damn mother! Is that how it was, is-? In the Enchanted Forest?" All Hook seemed to wanted was a little wife at home, doing his laundry and rearing children, feeding everyone dinner, Emma knew it wasn't for her. She knew it needed to be 50/50, that everything was equal share, that's a family, everyone plays a part, he seemed to be good at first but then he started to get nitpicky about little household things.

"Em—" Regina went to embrace her but was cut short by Emma's anger again.

"I just—it just feels tainted, like the whole fucking day is ruined forever. I can't even walk by the damn building without thinking about the curse and the death sentence and my damn wedding…" she exhaled deeply on the last part, her breath shaky. This is what she needed, to just exhale it all, to not run from it for once to face it straight on.

"Do you want to walk and talk? We can do that?" The brunette tried again, a different approach. She had tried to get Emma to talk to Archie again but this wasn't something she was comfortable talking with him about for some reason, she only wanted Regina and that was enough.

Emma nodded as she stepped out of the car, just letting her tears fall free as she shook out her body, trying to purge any negative feelings she had welled up in her over the last couple days. Regina rounded the car and took her hand, willing her magic to warm the blondes cold feelings.

"Emma, I know I told you this before but it does get better," the brunette tugged her hands trying to get her motivated to stand with her, give her some feeling that life was still within her.

"Regina, I know you mean well but Hook—he's—" Emma was trying her damnedest to be sensitive to the brunette's loss of Daniel and then Robin…

"I know what you are trying to say and you are right, they are gone, they don't wander around town from a ship in the harbor." Regina rolled her eyes, knowing how difficult it was for Emma to even talk about him let alone see him wandering around town and around on the docks on her regular sheriff patrols.

"I wish he'd leave…" Emma kicked a few rocks as they started wandering down the trail into the woods farther. "I just—man I thought I'd feel free ya know?" The blonde scoffed, at her own wishful thinking.

"Sometimes I think people have these ideals in their minds of what they want from a relationship," Regina continued on, trying to be an unbiased confidant to the blonde. "I mean naturally you and I work because we share a common bond, but it wasn't always so easy. I always wondered why Hook? I mean I know you saw him redeem himself a bit but—I don't know it just didn't seem to fit, it felt like you were putting on a show…" the brunette shrugged it off as if it didn't mean anything really.

"'Gina—I, I didn't know you felt that way." Emma stopped in her tracks, trying to figure out what Regina meant.

"Emma, I told you when we were in Hell that you were too good for Hook did I not? I meant that." She turned to catch Emma's head cocked to the side, mulling over their exchange. "I mean part of me thought that maybe just to appease your parents, that you fall for the easy choice, not necessarily the _right_ choice. I couldn't help you figure that part out. Sometimes you have to make your own choices and follow through to know that maybe you made the _wrong_ choice." Regina shrugged as they wandered on.

"Well what about Robin? What would have happened if he were alive and Hook and I—"

"All 'what if's' Emma. I try to not dwell on those thoughts. I wasted so many years dwelling and suffering that all I want to do is move forward, no risk, no reward…I guess that's why I'm willing to take risks with you, for you."

"Being with me is risky?" Emma wasn't sure if she should feel offended or not.

"When all your past loves have been killed, don't you think it's risky of me to want you so close to my heart?" The brunette rose her brows, questioning the blonde.

"Oh, that part…" Emma blushed. "Look I'm sorry I had a day, I didn't want it to happen, I actually tried so hard for it not to happen."

"It's perfectly alright. I know it will hurt for some time, but you know I will always be here for you." Regina smiled at the blonde, grabbing her hand again as the trail wound up a ledge overlooking a river. "Time is truly the only thing that will heal you Emma," Regina stared off into the distance, looking at the rushing water below them. "There were many times I didn't think it ever would for myself, that I would feel this pain and hurt forever." She squeezed Emma's hand as she turned to look at the blonde with pain present in her own eyes. "I still hurt Emma, but my pain is not as present as yours…and it's a slightly different form of pain." She scoffed as tears rolled down her own cheeks, taking a deep breath of her own before centering herself again in her thoughts. "Regardless of each of our wounds, I want _our_ future, I want us to grow as these trees around us have done for years. I want to move through life with you as the waters rushing below; some bumps and roughness but always moving forward, never back." Emma looked at Regina profoundly, shocked to hear Regina's poetic words of love and adoration towards her in this way.

Emma let a few of her own tears fall down her cheeks, knowing Regina was right; that they should always be looking forward. Since the brunette invited her to move in she had been nothing but hospitable, graciously opening her door to the broken blonde that found herself on her doorstep late one night. She didn't see it before then, the love Regina had for her, the care and tenderness not as a friend but something more…

"Penny for your thoughts?" Regina urged the blonde who had been lost in her own mind.

"Just thinking how amazing you have been to me over the last few years," Emma smiled for the first time that day, knowing her own love for the brunette grew daily. "You just love me for me, there is no 'Emma could you do more of this or that.' I love that you just take me for who I am, you know my strengths and use them. You know I'm not strong cooking but I can clean up like a pro." Regina smiled, she never would expect more from the blonde, Regina had been on her own doing stuff for years. "It's like you know what I can do and ask me to do that, you don't expect me to learn something new if you know it's not a strength of mine." Emma was quiet for a long time as she knew admitted her own weaknesses, she hated them as much as the brunette hated her own.

"Well if you ever want to jump into the kitchen…just make sure you have a fire extinguisher handy…I know for a fact you are good with one of those." Regina jested the blonde woman, earning a wide smile in return.

"Thanks Regina—like for today overall, thanks for being patient with me." Emma turned and enveloped the brunette in a tight hug, her arms wrapping around Regina's narrow waist. "Thank you." The blonde's smile said everything when her words wouldn't come.

"Emma, you _did_ always have my back—I promise to have yours." Regina brought her lips to the blondes again, tender and reassuring knowing, upon that small overlook, nothing else mattered.


End file.
